My husband set me a kinky New Year's resolution... DEAR JANE, I'm disgusted. But I'm afraid I can't say no
Dear Jane,
It's the new year and, like most people, my husband and I have decided to make resolutions.
We had the classics written down – work out, go on more trips, save money. But I was stumped when it came to dreaming up a resolution just for me.
That's when he had the bright idea of suggesting one and I have to say, I'm a bit appalled by it.
He said that I should make it my personal goal to have sex with him every single day of 2026.
As if!
I thought he was kidding at first, so I laughed but, when I saw how serious he was, I was annoyed. How could he possibly think that kind of challenge is feasible?
There are days when I'm sick, tired or just 'not in the mood.' Having a daily sex goal would be a nightmare to keep up with, and frankly feel icky because I know I would be doing it just to please him.
My husband seemed offended that my initial reaction was to giggle, so I told him I'd consider it. Now, I'm dreading the moment where I have to tell him, 'No.'
I don't mean to hurt his feelings by saying that I don't want to sleep with him every day but, truthfully, it's less about him and more about me.
How do I gently tell him that I don't appreciate – nor will I agree – to this New Year's resolution?
Sincerely,
New Year, New Problem
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear New Year, New Problem,
You are quite right in knowing yourself well enough to know that if you agreed to daily sex as a New Year's resolution, it would not have anything to do with you, but would be about pleasing him.
That's not just 'icky,' it will undoubtedly lead to resentment.
Also, as you have pointed out, it's a pretty unrealistic goal. Life has an unfortunate habit of getting in the way of even the best laid plans, ahem.
Perhaps there is a more realistic goal, a compromise that the two of you can reach. You could aim to have sex three times a week, for example, or any number that feels doable for you.
As every woman knows, it is hard to feel in the mood in any long-term relationship, particularly when life is busy and we are tired.
So many of us climb into bed at the end of a long day wanting nothing more than an hour or so on our phones, maybe some TV and little else. We certainly don't want to be pawed by an over-eager partner.
However, sex is important and just because you're not in the mood doesn't mean you won't get in the mood once you start. Adding an element of playfulness, whether that's trying something new, sharing fantasies, spicing things up, can make things much more fun.
In fact, rather than aiming for daily sex, you could propose less regularity, but more spice.
There are many ways to skin this particular cat, which will leave your husband feeling sated and heard, without you feeling resentment at having to do something that right now fills you with horror.
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